Recently it has been decided that a House shall be Purchased, and for reasons of neccessity this house shall be within reasonable commuting distance of the centre of Tokyo. Consequently this Octopus has been spending a lot of time over the past few months examining various plots of land with and without structures upon them. He has also been getting a crash course in the finer aspects of planning regulations as they apply to residential structures in this fine city, and they never fail to leave his head spinning in disbelief.

One frequently recurring phenomenon is the so-called "pistol-shaped plot" (ピストル型の変形敷地), which is what occurs when a reasonably-sized plot (say around 200m²) is divided into two plots each just large enough to squeeze a reasonably-sized house and car space onto. The rearmost of the two plots is provided with access to the road via a "driveway" along the side of the front plot, resulting in a shape which resembles a pistol (provided the pistol has a very block-shaped handle and short, thin barrel). Something like plots 2 and 3 in the plan below:

This often happens because the previous owners of the land passed away and the heirs need to sell the land to pay the inheritance tax, and dividing the land into the smallest possible plots makes it easier to market. They also occur in new developments to squeeze maximum profit out of the available area.

Having been involved with Japan for the better part of two decades, I've become aware that the more time I spend here, the less I know about the place. This is particularly true of the entertainment world, but due to recent changes in my living arrangements I now get to spend approximately 45 minutes each morning watching Japanese breakfast television (the things I do for love). I feel it would be a pity to retain the knowledge thus acquired for myself, and from now on will endeavour to share with a wider public the insights I have fortuitously gained.

An actual cat

Today's hot news involves a phenomenon called "Neko Hiroshi" (猫ひろし, lit. Cat Hiroshi), who as seasoned Japan observers can tell from the name alone is not an actual cat, but a tarento (a Japanese word meaning "attention seeker with a ridiculous quirk or affection who can usually be seen smiling inanely in the back row of the tarento seats in one of those TV programmes involving hyperactive sound effects, psychotic subtitles and a studio decor which looks like a candy shop has exploded in a little girl's bedroom and which makes TV shopping channels look like an attractive viewing proposition").

Incredibly, and this may come as a surprise to you, Mr. Hiroshi's trademark quirk is acting a bit like a cat.

However (and this may also come as an incredible surprise) this has not been enough to propel Mr. Hiroshi to the coveted front row of the tarento seats, let alone a semi-permanent presence in the box-in-the-corner-of-the-screen-with-a-famous-and-popular-tarento-making-exaggerated-facial-expressions-in-reaction-to-whatever-dross-is-being-shown. Consequently Mr. Hiroshi seems to have resorted to more drastic measures, namely becoming a Cambodian citizen and taking up marathon running with the aim of representing Cambodia at the 2012 London Olympics.

Unfortunately the Olympic Committee For Deciding Stuff (I paraphrase the name slightly) seems to have decided Mr. Hiroshi might not qualify under Paragraph IV of the "Regulations for Olympic Competitors Who Are Failed Comedians And Have Taken Up A Different Nationality As A Desperate Bid For Attention", so there is now some doubt as to whether he will be able to represent Cambodia at the upcoming 2012 London Games With the Heavily Copyrighted Five Rings Logo Sponsored By Nike, Adidas, Pepsi, Burger King Etc., a dramatic development which has the peel-off-sticker-flipchart-makers on primetime TV working double overtime, and who knows where it will all end (a scandal involving a gay fortune teller and the illicitly acquired unwashed socks of a former AKB48 member is my personal guess).

You can read more about Mr. Hiroshi here, which is more than I can be bothered to do.

Hah, almost had you there didn't I? I bet you were expecting to see some tacky yet mediocre closeups of sakura which I took while crammed into a park with about 10,000,000 other people all admiring the pretty flowering trees through the LCD display of a camera and/or a happoshu-induced haze.

Tragically I couldn't be arsed to go through the whole rigmarole, but I would like to take this opportunity to talk about the real meaning of hanami, which is this:

Yes, the blue plastic "groundsheet". Where would Japan be without this magnificent, versatile invention? Struggling to keep pace with North Korea, that's where.

You can
* spread it on the ground to sit on
* spread it on the ground to reserve a place to sit on
* spread it on the ground to pass out upon
* use it to secure and protect the goods piled up on your kei-truck
* keep a couple in your emergency escape kit just in case (well I do)
* use it to protect your washing machine from the elements (well I do)
* if times are hard, use it to keep your new parkside residence nice and dry
* and a myriad of other uses which I am sure have slipped my mind

All that for the bargain price of 105 yen (110 yen soon if the politicians have their way) from your local 100 yen store. Your life will not be complete without one.

... you go to the facilities in the departure lounge and are surprised to see a fashionaby dressed, albeit somewhat flat-chested Japanese girl coming out of the men's toilets. Then you realise it's actually a young Japanese guy.

It'll good to be back though.

Let's face it, domestic travel in Japan is, even after all these years of deflation, is still wallet-numbingly expensive. But sometimes you've just got to grab life by the balls and sacrifice, in the name of sanity, a few watermarked images of a guy called Fukuzawa to get out of Tokyo at short notice into Japan.

And it doesn't get much more Japanese than this:

Taken, I hasten to add smugly, from one's hotel window, which allows one to do tricks like the following:

I should also hasten to add that it was more of a case of two in the room, and though not being of the inclination to broadcast one's/two's intimate activities in great detail, I can safely say it was a bloody good view to be enjoyed while being, err, intimate.

BTW, apologies to the middle-aged couple in the room next door for disturbing the wa before dinner (thanks for the dirty looks! Made our day!). Also apologies to another, much younger couple who were earlier sitting holding hands demurely in a nice scenic viewing spot at the top of one of the hills visible in the middle distance of the above photos, who gave us very strange glances after our sudden appearance from an unexpected direction - yes, the noises you very probably heard emanating from deeper within the woods were what you thought they were. All those lovey-dovey ema at the shrine further down ("Keiko ♥ Taro 4 ever", that kind of thing) are very nice, but sometimes actions speak louder than words, 'k?

Animal welfare addendum: the lake in the first photo appears to be popular with anglers, and I'm sure you "throw them all back" or whatever, but please don't leave your old lines lying about on the shore, they are not good for the local feathered wildlife, and an ostensibly romantic early-morning walk turned into a "pick up the plastic thread litter" operation.

Golden Week - that one period in the year where most of Japan can take a 7 ~ 10 day break from work - is coming up fast, and as usual I have absolutely nothing planned. In previous years this hasn't been a problem, as my job fortunately allows me to take holidays when everyone else in Japan doesn't and I usually spend the period in my underground command-and-control bunker deep beneath the heart of Tokyo. This year however I need to coordinate my schedule with the Someone Special, and as I've been seeing reports on the devastating effect the March 11th earthquake and Fukushima nuclear power incident have had on the tourist/travel industry in the Tohoku region even well outside the affected areas, it seems like a nice idea to help out in some limited way by getting up there and spending some money.

So: where would you recommend? We're looking more for onsen/ryokan style places, obviously well away from any evacuation zones. I've travelled through Yamagata and the western (inland) area of Fukushima before, and they looked quite nice - so if anyone's got any tips for these or similar areas they'd be most appreciated.

Unfortunately I missed my chance to actually be in it, but buying and downloading it (here) was much easier than I anticipated.

I have a long overseas trip coming up shortly, so I'll save reading it until then.

Props to Ourmani and everyone else involved.

The pro-hanami alliance was out in force in Yoyogi Park today...

... doing pretty much everthing except looking at the pretty blossoms ...

... and while they were doing that, Ishihara Shintaro was busy being elected back into office for a fourth term.

Meanwhile, in a park not a million miles from the above scenes of Obligatory Cherry Blossom Frolics, Octopus + Special Friend were enjoying the relative peace and quiet of a little corner of central Tokyo which very few people seem to know about.

A little bit lacking on actuall cherry blossoms, but all the more space to view them in. And screw the politics, life's too short.